THE WEATHER-WATCH PARADOX

Around the Dallas area, you get a fair number of thunder storms which, occasionally, will segue into a trailer-trashing tornado… especially at certain times of the year. It’s a going concern for the people who live here, and we definitely require the timely warnings of strategically placed air-raid sirens to tip us to the impending tempests.

It’s “that time of year” again here in the DFW Metroplex, so lately our local weather knobs have been breaking into our prime time TV programming to advise us that the Doppler is going tie-dye and disgruntled … again.

This is particularly annoying if the “weather” they break-in to report on is actually passing 10 to 25 miles north or south of the city.

I know I’m being selfish, but if the weather is going to hit Podunkville, tell them – not me.

The needs of the many have to outweigh the few. Dang it!

Besides, I was watching My Name is Earl, fer GOD’s sake.

But the other day, it finally occurred to me what was so annoying: the local News Channel was busy blowing its horn and bragging about how it would interrupt to report weather emergencies instantly to “keep YOU informed” – and, as I sat there listening, it dawned on me that after experiencing about 20 of these storms over the past 2 years, I had never actually SEEN one of these “informative reports” when the storm was hitting MY freaking house.

“Ding” – the light went on – because… THE LIGHTS GO OFF!

There we are, in each case, locking the dogs in the bathroom and wondering how long the chaos will last, whether there’s an actual twister forming, or whether I should disrobe, go outside, and wave my privates defiantly at the weather gods… with NO TV!

When the weather gets jinky, and the storm siren sounds, you (maybe) have about a minute or two before the power goes kerplunk, then it’s just you, a flashlight, your bottle of rye, and a battery powered radio. Johnny Meteorologist and his magic Storm Tracker Technology are about as much use as a Lucky Mood Ring at times like these. And the other times are simply low on my priority list… somewhere, well beneath, CSI - New York and a Simpson’s rerun.

Such paraconsistent logic might have Quesada chuckling, but it just has me wanting to kick a TV Station Program Director in his weather veined balls.