Apr 4, 2008


Recently you may have heard about the growing push by law enforcement and other fascist swine to ban the use of cell phones while driving.

As usual, the slippery sloper's team has chosen to run the famed “Statute of No-Liberty” play.

So much for our brave troops fighting for our “freedom” – more like selective freedom, Jingo-boy.

Hey, no one is asking for anarchy here, just the right to enjoy the conveniences that the new technology brings us cavemen.

Evidently that’s no good for the micro-managers of the world. The sanctimonious losers, who supposedly have no use for making a phone call from the road, have just gotta muck with the beauty of the invention.

Fuck it! Let’s just abolish the whole cell phone industry.... surely the economic advantages of being able to conduct business while in transit is far outweighed by danger caused by the multitude of house-fraus who will gab to their hairdressers on the way to their kid’s soccer practice and inadvertently cut a few people off.

Let’s face it; this is a nation of people who love to tell each other how to live their blessed lives.

How to raise their kids, how to watch TV and, best of all, how to drive.

It’s in our DNA – we are genetically programmed driving instructors. We all think our own driving feces doesn’t smell, and we’re convinced everyone else on the road is a mud-headed nincompoop.

Oh, how the hypocrisy reigns! Even now I can hear all the deluded honk-happy halfwits parroting “I’m an excellent driver” like Raymond Babbitt in an Asperger hissy-fit.

Bull-butter! You know full screamin’ well that you’ve cut people off more people than Rush Limbaugh, and tailgated and sped your way onto the shit lists of a thousand other drivers.

But never-mind all that rubbish – ours is not to point the finger at driving “disorderlys’-

What I want to know is; when the hell will the Cell Phone Muslims stop their Shiite?

At what level of authoritarianism does this controlloid crusade end?

If everyone criticized their own gumball rallies half as zealously as they do everyone else’s, we’d all be better off… and Asians would have a much better reputation. (j-k)

Proposed Regulations

Believing that cell phones lead to a great number of accidents, some politicians have proposed laws to ban cell phone use while driving. The law would prohibit any and all cell phone use by the driver of any vehicle in the state. Other proposed laws would not fully ban cell phone use in vehicles, but would require drivers pull to the side of the road to use the cell phone. Still other proposals would allow cell phone use with a headset or other hands-free device.

Who are the animals that come up with this tripe anyway – lost vestiges of the Khmer-Rouge?

Here’s a newsflash…

Cell Phones Aren't the Only Things That Lead to Accidents, Hitler:

The University of North Carolina Highway Safety Research Center released a study of distractions leading to traffic accidents.[1]

The top four distractions that resulted in accidents, according to this study, are:

  • Outside Objects, Persons or Events: 29.4% (of accidents surveyed)
  • Adjusting the Radio, Cassette, or CD Player: 11.4%
  • Distractions Caused by Other Occupants in the Vehicle: 10.9%
  • Moving Objects in the vehicle: 4.3%
  • Eating/Drinking in the Car: 1.7%
  • Using/Dialing a Cell Phone: 1.5%
  • Climate Control Adjustments: 1.2%
  • Smoking-related distractions: 1.2%

So, let’s outlaw radios, CD players and dashboard bobble-heads! Let’s make it a crime to eat Jumbo Jacks, Whoppers and Big Macs! Let’s castigate the lung-bangers who smoke in cars and best of all... LET’S BAN PASSENGERS! Fuck the HOV lanes… we’re saving lives man!

How's THAT for a slippery slope, you rule-mongering greaseballs?

Here’s a humble suggestion, let’s mind our own fucking business!

If some meat-bag gets into an accident while on a cell-phone, then make it their fault – the same way it’s done with rear-ending. Outlawing the use of technology in a place where it provides the most benefit to business and communication is a rear-ending of another type entirely – And that, my friends, is illegal in more than a couple of states already.


WF said...

Damn straight on that! I'm sick and tired of... hold on, got a call....


Uh huh.


Fuck no.


Chuck roast.

No, 7 people.


So yeah, like I was saying, I'm tired of being a whipping boy to the anti cellphone... hang on.


I dunno.

How about Run Fatboy Run?



I said alright, alright?

Crap, I'm going into a tun

Elbow P. Murderpants said...

Driving while typing again, Fleece?

You showboating bastard!

Mix me a Caesar while you're at it... and make it snappy, I'm thirsty.