May 30, 2008

A Funai Thing Happened To Me On The Way To Progressburgh

One of Brazil's last uncontacted Indian tribes has been spotted in the far western Amazon jungle near the Peruvian border – although not so “near” that they might have just come across advanced civilization on a day trip, the National Indian Foundation said Thursday.

The Indians were sighted in an Ethno-Environmental Protected Area along the Envira River in flights over remote Acre state, said the Brazilian government foundation, known as Funai.

There are more than 100 uncontacted tribes worldwide, most of them in Brazil and Peru, and one or two in Mississippi the group said in a statement.

“It’s so funny, they think we’re like, aliens er something,” said one of the pilots of the plane, “They was shootin’ us with them arrows like a buncha dummies… I mean, get with the program, Hiawatha!”

A National Indian Foundation spokesperson remarked that the men looked healthy, saying, “this is an example of how well a man can thrive without McDonalds and women’s rights.”

I keep telling my wife that we’ve just got to get on that uncontacted list, but I can’t seem to find the Web site. Makes me wonder how these Brazilian natives managed.

Plus, I’ve tried shooting arrows at my homeowner’s association, but they keep slipping the dues bill under my door.

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