Dec 17, 2008

Giant Sucking Noise Pinpointed: Hollywood

It must be horrible to work in “Hollywood”. I know most people think it would be cool. One long coke-binge with the beautiful people... but I bet it really isn’t.

Here’s the accumulation of the world’s artistic creativity all rammed into one place like a Wal-Mart on Black Friday. And every star-struck wannabe from Bellingham to Key Largo, who’s adequately jacked-up on self-delusion, wants a piece of the action.
It makes you wish more people suffered from agoraphobia.

Then, from the Hollywood-spawned pit of abomination, (aka "TV") crawls the “Reality Show” amidst an already vacuous, miasmic, stench of game shows and too many Docterin’ & Lawyerin’ dramas. And, magically, the average writer is instantly reduced to level of a subway busker or Strip hooker.

It’s enough to make a reasonably intelligent person want to smash themselves in the face with the back end of a claw hammer.

But it doesn’t stop there – the monkey shines continue as “Hollywood” rolls out their parade of cliché-ridden cop movies, unnecessary remakes and desperately written sequels.

Does Get Smart REALLY need to be RE-MADE? Is any lawyer on the face of the earth as glib and spontaneous as James Spader? Is any police department filled with such good looking flatfoots as CSI New York? Fucking doubtful. Escapism is one thing -- delusion is quite another.

I went to an ER about 6 months ago. Not one person there was as good looking as the people on the show of the same name... and every person I talked to had the personality of an uncooked lentil. Not to mention that they moved at the speed of paint and were, for the most part, only talented at looking clueless... or bored.

I’d like to go to a hospital like the ones on TV (Gray’s Anatomy, ER, etc) where all the doctors and interns are beautiful and smart and don’t act the way the place usually smells.

Incidentally, I was in the ER because I had just accidentally watched a few minutes of The Game. It sent me into violent fits of mouth vomits and my legs fell off. – just fell off! And they started hopping individually towards the TV. They instinctively tried to kick the TV, but I grappled for the remote and turned off the set. My disembodied limbs fell lifelessly to the rug and I dragged myself to the car and drove semi-conscious to the ER.

The Game is an evil show that is about a group of women who all have relationships with professional football players. (Wow, I can really relate...not at all) Defiled with ridiculously placed canned laughter, it leaves you confused and wanting to kill puppies... then yourself.
Seriously... beware of this show. Don’t be channel surfing anywhere near the CW Fridays around 8:30 pm.
Better to stab yourself in the arm and spend an hour sewing the wound shut, than to chance seeing this slop because your finger slipped on the remote unwittingly.

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